Why My Kids Never Ask to Play Video Games
I bought my kids an iPad Mini and an iPhone that they can share to play video games and they absolutely love them. They would willingly trade mealtime and sleep in order to play their favorite video games. And yet, they never bug me to play games. So how can these two seemingly contradictory statements be true? Here’s why.
Our kids earn their video game time. They never have to ask to play video games and there’s no begging or dealmaking. They simply come to either myself or my wife with their “game dollars” and they trade their dollars for video game minutes. It’s more of a business transaction as opposed to peasants groveling before their king.
It wasn’t always this way. When we first bought dedicated iPads, iPods, and iPhones for their own use, they were constantly bugging us to use them and occasionally we’d find them hidden under the couch or behind a pillow. No one would ‘fess up to having taken it without permission. After about a year of this my wife and I decided that something needed to change. We got rid of everything for a while and made them go cold turkey off of all video games.
But I later felt like all that desire for video games could perhaps be tapped into for a greater purpose. If doled out in moderation, video games are a harmless or even an educational endeavor. So I made my kids a proposal. After almost a year with no video games they were ready to agree to anything to get them back. I think this “fast” was crucial to our success. If I had simply gone from the old system to telling them that they now had to earn their video game time there might have been a revolt.
I had seen an article that someone had written about how they’d gotten their kids to do more chores around the house by attaching a small dollar amount to various chores. I thought that system might be a great way to control video game time. Only I wasn’t going to pay my kids to do chores. I was going to pay them to run. And they weren’t going to get real money, but play money where each dollar represented one minute of game time.
Right off the bat, I know that this system isn’t going to work for everyone. My family was already an avid running family that enjoys going to 5k races or track meets on the weekend. We enjoy heading out to a park at least once or twice a week for a family run. So running wasn’t something new for my kids and introducing “game dollars” was all upside for them.
Starting the program was as easy as buying some play money on eBay. After that I started “paying” my kids whenever they ran. My older kids received one dollar for every minute of running and my younger kids received two. Then when they want to play an hour of video games, they come to me with sixty dollars. They get their iPad and I get sixty dollars of play money back into my bank.
Overall, the system has worked great for us over the years. My kids never have to beg to use the iPad and I don’t endure incessant nagging. Also, since the kids can only run so much, there’s a built-in limit to how much they can play, so I don’t have to worry that they’re going to be playing games five hours a day. They even use the game dollars amongst themselves occasionally as a sort of currency to barter with.
I also really like the fact that my kids WANT to run. One of the best ways to get a kid to hate something is to force them to do it. So my wife and I have always made running optional for the kids if they didn’t feel like it. But now that the kids have an added incentive of being able to play their favorite video games, they are usually enthusiastic about going out for a run. How many parents can say that? In fact, I worry sometimes that the neighbors may think that we force our kids to run because they constantly see our kids circling the block.
This system of trading play money for game time could be applied to activities other than running.. You could set up values for household chores or good behavior. It won’t be effective though unless you stick to your guns on the fact that no games get played without them handing over those dollars. We have occasional exceptions like birthdays and major holidays and road trips, which don’t require game dollars. So when our kids are really looking forward to Thanksgiving, it’s not just about the turkey.
So if you're worried that your kids are just playing video games all day long or if you are sick and tired of their constant begging to play them, don’t fight it. Harness that drive and channel it into a wind that blows them in a positive direction. Use it to teach them the concepts of work equals reward and delayed gratification. Who knows? Maybe you’ll end up with kids that enjoy running or who you never have to tell to clean up their room.
It wasn’t always this way. When we first bought dedicated iPads, iPods, and iPhones for their own use, they were constantly bugging us to use them and occasionally we’d find them hidden under the couch or behind a pillow. No one would ‘fess up to having taken it without permission. After about a year of this my wife and I decided that something needed to change. We got rid of everything for a while and made them go cold turkey off of all video games.
But I later felt like all that desire for video games could perhaps be tapped into for a greater purpose. If doled out in moderation, video games are a harmless or even an educational endeavor. So I made my kids a proposal. After almost a year with no video games they were ready to agree to anything to get them back. I think this “fast” was crucial to our success. If I had simply gone from the old system to telling them that they now had to earn their video game time there might have been a revolt.
I had seen an article that someone had written about how they’d gotten their kids to do more chores around the house by attaching a small dollar amount to various chores. I thought that system might be a great way to control video game time. Only I wasn’t going to pay my kids to do chores. I was going to pay them to run. And they weren’t going to get real money, but play money where each dollar represented one minute of game time.
Right off the bat, I know that this system isn’t going to work for everyone. My family was already an avid running family that enjoys going to 5k races or track meets on the weekend. We enjoy heading out to a park at least once or twice a week for a family run. So running wasn’t something new for my kids and introducing “game dollars” was all upside for them.
Starting the program was as easy as buying some play money on eBay. After that I started “paying” my kids whenever they ran. My older kids received one dollar for every minute of running and my younger kids received two. Then when they want to play an hour of video games, they come to me with sixty dollars. They get their iPad and I get sixty dollars of play money back into my bank.
Overall, the system has worked great for us over the years. My kids never have to beg to use the iPad and I don’t endure incessant nagging. Also, since the kids can only run so much, there’s a built-in limit to how much they can play, so I don’t have to worry that they’re going to be playing games five hours a day. They even use the game dollars amongst themselves occasionally as a sort of currency to barter with.
I also really like the fact that my kids WANT to run. One of the best ways to get a kid to hate something is to force them to do it. So my wife and I have always made running optional for the kids if they didn’t feel like it. But now that the kids have an added incentive of being able to play their favorite video games, they are usually enthusiastic about going out for a run. How many parents can say that? In fact, I worry sometimes that the neighbors may think that we force our kids to run because they constantly see our kids circling the block.
This system of trading play money for game time could be applied to activities other than running.. You could set up values for household chores or good behavior. It won’t be effective though unless you stick to your guns on the fact that no games get played without them handing over those dollars. We have occasional exceptions like birthdays and major holidays and road trips, which don’t require game dollars. So when our kids are really looking forward to Thanksgiving, it’s not just about the turkey.
So if you're worried that your kids are just playing video games all day long or if you are sick and tired of their constant begging to play them, don’t fight it. Harness that drive and channel it into a wind that blows them in a positive direction. Use it to teach them the concepts of work equals reward and delayed gratification. Who knows? Maybe you’ll end up with kids that enjoy running or who you never have to tell to clean up their room.
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